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Article about i was blind dating but now i see:
How Am I Still Single? ’
After hundreds of blind dates, high school teacher Li Yufei has devised a standard operating procedure to sift the studs from the duds. Yet, her search for “the one” continues.


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I was blind dating but now i see. Subscribe to our newsletter. About Us | Contribute | Contact Us | Sitemap. ‘I Go on 100 Blind Dates a Year. How Am I Still Single?’ After hundreds of blind dates, high school teacher Li Yufei has devised a standard operating procedure to sift the studs from the duds. Yet, her search for “the one” continues. Li Yufei, an English teacher at a suburban high school in Beijing, began her search for a husband in 2017. Since then, she’s gone on about 100 blind dates a year, yet none have led to marriage. In China’s matchmaking market, Li would typically be seen as a catch. Now 32 years old, she’s been living in Beijing for 14 years, is good looking, has a stable job, and holds a coveted Beijing household registration. She arrived in the capital as a student in 2010, completed her master’s degree, and worked at a major internet company before transitioning to teaching two years ago. What perhaps makes Li stand out is that she has approached her search with academic precision. Over the years, she has used a spreadsheet to record the basic information of every man she’s met, such as where he lived, whether he owned a house or a car, where they met, and who paid for the first date. She says her experiences have allowed her to develop a standard operating procedure (SOP) for blind dates to instantly filter out the duds. After matching with a man on a dating app, Li will send an invitation to meet up at Starbucks. “It’s OK for the woman to take the lead at first,” she says, but after that, the ball is in his court. “The logic is simple: If he doesn’t take any initiative, it means he’s not interested. Most of the time, when the woman takes the initiative, it doesn’t work out.” Using this system, she can eliminate up to 90% of candidates after just one date. For subsequent dates, the attrition rate is about 50%. Ultimately, she feels most relationships fail due to a lack of chemistry. “My strategy is to meet a lot of people,” Li adds. “As long as the pool is large enough, there will always be four or five people left in the end.” Li agrees that her profile makes her “highly marriageable” and insists her standards aren’t “excessively high” when it comes to screening potential suitors. So why have her rigorous efforts failed to produce the desired result? This is her story. Blind date SOP. My first blind date was when I was 26 years old, still in graduate school. Within a minute of meeting the person, I could tell it wasn’t a good match, so that date ended abruptly. After that, I continued going on blind dates, but not regularly. It wasn’t until I joined a large internet company in April 2020, when my colleagues introduced me to the dating app Ergou, that I began dating intensively. I tried a succession of dating apps, including Tan Tan, Qingteng Zhilian, Hua Tian, and Himmr, and even posted on the Shuimu forum, Tsinghua University’s private online bulletin board. In the end, I found that the most reliable were “elite dating apps” focused on the niche market of highly educated singles. Most of my candidates have come from these apps. My mom also helped me search using paid-for matchmaking services for parents in Beijing. I would meet most of the people she recommended and then give her feedback if it didn’t work out. Some of the candidates in my database were also screened by my parents. For most candidates, I would first screen them on the app. If they met my basic criteria, we would add each other on WeChat and have a brief chat before arranging a date. I believe that meeting in person is most important, so I don’t spend too much time chatting online. On the app, I get straight to the point by sending the candidate a message asking about his location, like “Hi, I’m in XYZ. Where are you?” The first round of screening starts by opening the conversation with geographical location. If someone adds me on WeChat and finds out I’m in the northwest corner of Beijing while he’s in the southeast, no matter how compatible we are, it will be difficult for us to see each other, and he might disappear. If the candidate is OK with my location, we move forward. About 70% of candidates make it to this stage. After meeting a man for the first time, I wait and observe his reaction. If he frequently sends me WeChat messages or suggests another date the following week, that’s a positive sign. Very few people make it to the second date. Last week, I met six men, two of whom progressed to the second date — this is an exceptionally good outcome. After the second date, about 50% of candidates are eliminated. From the second date onwards, the process is about the same. Usually, men take more initiative. Sometimes, if a woman feels that a man is losing interest, she might take the initiative again. There was one candidate I maintained intermittent contact with for six months. Initially, there was some chemistry, but once he stopped taking the initiative, I realized I didn’t have any feelings for him at all. I had only continued talking with him because I felt bad for him and thought he was a nice person. Last year, I went on blind dates with more than 100 men, and I’m still in contact with four or five of them. Meeting so many people, they all blur together — I only have a vague impression of each date. It’s hard to remember all of them, so I created a spreadsheet to record their details. For some, there’s no need for them to take up space in my memory, they are just entries in the spreadsheet. Sometimes I chat with six or seven candidates at once, and it’s easy to forget where they are from, leading to some awkward situations. Once, when scheduling a date with a guy, I mentioned that it would be quite far for him to travel to our meeting place from where he lived, and he replied: “That’s not where I live.” After that, I marked each candidate’s location in their WeChat contact details and grouped them by geographical location. For candidates that I don’t think will work out, I mark them with a “P” for “pass” and put them in a separate group. This group is the biggest, around 300 people. For me, blind dating has become a standardized procedure. It’s essentially a project I’m managing. I have a set of “dating armor” — a high-neck sweater under a white vest paired with a knee-length skirt, as I’m going for the “intellectual” look. Since I meet most of my candidates only once, I don’t have to think about what to wear next time. It’s always the same outfit — one set each for fall, winter, and summer. This saves time deciding what to wear. The conversation during the first date is repetitive, it’s mainly about what their work is like and what they do in their free time.













I was blind dating but now i see