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Article about all a single lady:
&amp,quot,How are you doing with that, Han!?&amp,quot, I&amp,#39,ve been asked this question several times a week by deeply caring friends and family... To All The Single Ladies (And Guys) In this week's blog, Hannah Ellenwood suggests seven things to focus on as you walk through life when dating or marriage is not part of the picture. How are you doing with that, Han!?" I've been asked this question several times a week by deeply caring friends and family who recognize that this season might be a difficult one for me.


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And here's what they're referring to: my two younger siblings both just got married within six months of each other. That leaves me, the oldest, as the only single one in our family. My “single status” isn’t for a lack of vulnerability or willingness to go out and meet new people. I’ve had my fair share of awkward dates. They just haven’t led to anything beyond becoming a good story. But this season has actually been marked by something really different for me: Deep contentment. And I don't throw those words around lightly. What do I mean by contentment? That I don't wait to live my life or commit to a home or community until I am married. What if that isn't what God has for me in my life? The last thing I would want is to put my life on hold and wait around to make decisions or really settle into a place as if my life now was a means to that end. My life now is not defined by the “could be's” of the future. It is defined by the people, the places, and the work God has called me to commit to and be faithful to in this very moment . So I live now. I am a complete person now because of Christ's finished work on the cross and work in me. Being in a relationship or engaged or married doesn't make me more or less complete than I am right now, right here. But it's taken some work to get here. I am a complete person now because of Christ's finished work on the cross and work in me. Being in a relationship or engaged or married doesn't make me more or less complete than I am right now, right here. But it's taken some work to get here. As I've spent time thinking through my journey to contentment, I've been able to articulate the practices that I believe have led me here. So, because I've been asked about it pretty often, I wanted to share these practices more openly. And my hope is that if singleness is something you find yourself dissatisfied with, you will. Know you're not alone, and Find some hope and encouragement in these practical ways of moving forward. I want to be clear: contentment is not the opposite of desire. In other words, I don't believe we need to suppress desire in order to find contentment (it took a while for me to understand this). My desire for a relationship with someone extraordinary has not gone away. I mean, come on! We were created for relationship. That is something to celebrate! It is a God-given desire and it is good. Just not when it consumes us. If we're honest, it doesn't feel good to be consumed by it. Because that only leads to disappointment and dissatisfaction. The truth is I can live with both contentment and desire as simultaneous realities because I have learned to abide in Christ . And that has, ultimately, changed my whole perspective of how I live my life in the present. This list isn't the end-all be-all when it comes to living well in singleness. I also don't want to invalidate any feelings here - I've read hundreds of articles, books and blog posts that urge us to remember that singleness is a gift. And reality is that there are days it just doesn't feel that way, days where it feels like your heart physically aches as that desire goes unfulfilled. Ultimately, I would hope that these practices would lead your heart to deep-seated contentment that remains even on the harder days. 1. GRIEVE. Acknowledge the expectations you've had, and give yourself space to grieve the death of them. If I'm being honest, as much as I trust God with my life and know I can't see the future or control my circumstances, I also feel the reality that my life has played out very differently than I thought it would. The expectations I lived with, especially in this area, were informed and formed by certain liturgies. These liturgies are rituals or practices that, whether we are aware or not, shape our love and our idea of "the good life." For me those were movies, some of my favorite songs (who doesn't love "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"!?), the relationship culture of the university I went to (marriage machine). Even the age my parents were married shaped what I thought the "right age" should be. So, when I hit that age and wasn't anywhere close - I felt like I was way behind. Like I had lost. I remember two birthdays ago, I was at home in Czech with my family and my best friend, in my favorite city - and I spent most of the day crying. I had just turned the age at which I thought I'd be married. Or at least either have a home I could call my own or be working a job I loved and feeling fulfilled. And I didn't have any of those things. That felt like a loss, and it came out of nowhere. I needed to recognize that my expectations had not come to fruition, and give myself permission to grieve the loss of that expected "life." As a sub-point to this one, I believe it is super important to take an inventory of the liturgies we are immersed in. I've had to take an honest look at what rival visions of "the good life" or “flourishing” have captivated my love and desires and what cultural acts of worship are shaping and competing for my heart. What movies and TV shows am I watching, and how are those shaping my desires? What words am I soaking in through songs or books that shape my hopes? What places do I hang out in and what people do I spend time with, and how have their philosophies shaped my beliefs? None of these things are necessarily bad, but they do shape and impact my heart. So, if I can intentionally become aware of these liturgies I am immersed in and how they are shaping my vision of the good life, I can expose the wrong beliefs and start engaging in love-shaping practices that recalibrate my heart to set it back on track for God's vision of the good life. This helps me grieve and move on with greater hope. 2. RECEIVE. Make a list of the gifts you've been given in this season because you are single. And actually practice receiving them - open and enjoy them. Every season comes with gifts that other seasons don't. And I really don't want to waste the gifts of this season wishing I had those of another. For me, one of the greatest gifts is the freedom with which I get to invest in my community. I don't have to say no to time with people because I need to protect time with a significant other. I also get to pick up and go wherever I want, whenever I want. I get to come alongside my siblings and purposefully invest in them and their significant others. I have the time, space and emotional energy to pour into strengthening and deepening those relationships and rejoicing with them in this season of their lives. This doesn't just mean that I can recite the gifts that I "should be thankful for" in this season while I wallow in my dissatisfaction, but that I truly receive them and enjoy them to the fullest. 3. LIVE. Live your best life now. Really.













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