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Learning to let go and move through heartbreak... Finding peace in heartbreak: How to love and let go gracefully. Loving someone that isn’t or can’t be part of your life has to be one of the hardest lessons out there to learn, whether it was a choice you made or not.



There’s no getting around it, there’s no quick fix to finding peace in the process and believe me, avoidance and denial won’t be a long-term solution, more of a quick fix with consequences. Our biggest challenge in heartbreak is to, often with help and support, sit in difficult feelings that arise. Our challenge is to dig deep and to listen to our emotions, to our pain and to let them communicate with us. To find our way through, we must let the pain show us the direction for healing and we must learn how to give and love ourselves more in the areas that are exposed. So first and foremost, if you’re going through the motions of grief like I am, I am sending you so much love. If feelings are particularly difficult for you to navigate right now, read my 11 reasons you should never be embarrassed about going to counselling here. After my Lessons I learnt about love from heartbreak blog post, I got lots of messages from you guys saying how helpful my honesty was and so I figured I’d write a little more. I’m going to speak from the heart in this one, right from the core of my heartbreak and so I guess, I hope there’s some more light in here for you. At least writing it, for me, is more healing in itself. How to love someone and let go gracefully. Although I am sat here in the middle of the French Alps, living in my dream van conversion and pursuing a life in the great outdoors, my heart is still very much in the healing process. As I sit down to write this post, I have tears running down my face because the pain and heartbreak of my recent relationship ending are still very much alive within me, albeit showing their faces at much larger intervals than two months ago. Whilst I haven’t worked through the entirety of the pain I felt through my last relationship, I’ve come an incredible way. Loving someone and loving their presence are different things entirely. The biggest lesson I have learnt so far through the heartbreak I have experienced is that we can love someone and still not desire their presence in our life. It’s a painful lesson to learn because naturally when we love and care for someone, we want to pull them close. But when loving someone continually requires you to be less of yourself to keep the peace and yet you choose to stay, you must take a minute to think about what’s really keeping you there. I think this is the first step of letting go gracefully. Being honest with yourself about safe you felt in your relationship and how much of yourself you are holding back and compromising for the other. If you’ve never meditated before, check out my FREE complete guide to meditation to learn how to stay present. If you’re craving love from someone who isn’t showing up for you, there’s a part of you waiting to be met and healed. This was certainly the case for me. I knew the relationship wasn’t healthy but I had attachments that had me making all sorts of excuses to stay. On a deeper level, I had wounds that kept me there and only by starting my healing journey have I been able to release myself from them. If you’re in a relationship that you know isn’t healthy, ask yourself this… What is keeping me in a relationship that doesn’t serve me? What’s holding me back from fulfilling my true potential? What would happen if I let them go? Ultimately, we don’t need an ‘other’ to complete us. The voice that tells you you do, is an unmet wound speaking out to you and waiting to be healed. Okay so I loved him but it was clear that we were on different journeys and our next chapter was to be spent apart. It was a mutual decision that was painful but no doubt the right one for each of us. That’s the clarity that has kept me going. Knowing that I was honouring my journey despite the pain. The only focus I have now is to take this time to heal all the shadows that were bought to the surface in the relationship. This is my opportunity to nourish all the unconscious beliefs that have come to light within me that weren’t serving me and that are beneath my attachments. I am so grateful for the light the relationship put on these areas alone. I didn’t want to have to hate him to move forward. It’s as if being ‘over it’ and ‘forgetting about it’ is the goal these days. It’s as if we have this pressure to not feel the love anymore and only then, have we completed heartbreak. Let me offer the idea to you that being at peace with love could be a healthier goal and that working through your attachment to a love that didn’t serve you is more rewarding work to focus on. It has taken a while for sure but I’m now in a place ( finally lol) where I can feel the love and keep moving forward with it. After a lot of tears and deep inner work, the love I hold for him doesn’t pull me into confusion and despair anymore ( h allelujah). I can love him and separate his journey from being a reflection on me. I can trust that I did what I needed to do to look after myself and I can let go, gracefully. How can you truly let go if you love them though? Once you begin to work through the painful attachments that we often mix in with love, love isn’t painful anymore. You can hold feelings of love for them without needing or craving their presence in your life. Sometimes you have to let love go in order to honour yourself and your boundaries. Stop trying to get over it. Often when we separate from a partner, we are encouraged to ‘get over it’ to ‘move on’ and to ‘let it go’. But you simply cannot force the process. You cannot move on until you are ready. There’s no time limit on your healing process so we have to stop putting one on it. I think it’s really important to be careful that in this process of moving forward through heartbreak, we don’t push our feelings deep into our soul and just put a mask on because ‘its been a year’ or ‘its been five’. It will take however long it takes to move through heartbreak and we must be patient. If we push the pain down when it arises, it will just resurface. For what we don’t repair, we repeat. If you’re new to ego and awareness, welcome to your healing journey. I would highly recommend reading ‘A New Earth’ by Eckhart Tolle, he does the most wonderful job of teaching us about awareness and separation from our thoughts (the unconscious state the majority of the world lives in). Ultimately, awareness lies in the space between your thoughts. Awareness is who you are. Awareness is the observer within you. Your awareness and your thoughts are two separate entities and when you learn the difference, your whole life will change. I honestly think one of the biggest challenges, when we face heartbreak, is our ego. Avoidance is an egoic approach many will take when it comes to heartbreak. As the pain arises, it scares us and often we don’t understand it and so our ego jumps in to hate, blame and project onto the other. The ego would rather create a story that will have one victimise themself and blame the other for all they did wrong. In this process of blame, of projection and of pointing the finger, the ego feels powerful. The ego feels righteous and the ego ‘wins’. This is the ego’s favourite thing to do. The ego will do everything in its power to be separate from another. The ego doesn’t want to heal. The ego wants to protect, to build barriers and to avoid pain. These ego coping mechanisms stop us from doing the real, lasting work. And where the ego wins , the soul is disconnected even more from love and from the source. Where the ego wins, one continues to live unconsciously in triggers and pain. If you truly want to move through heartbreak and heal the pain you feel, you must be brave. You must be curious as to where that pain originates and what it’s communicating with you. Instead of blaming the other, we must take radical responsibility for our the pain we feel. Is love the ultimate goal for you? I would hope the answer is yes. If love is the ultimate goal then we must keep choosing it, despite the pain.