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https://polyamory.com/threads/husband-feeling-left-out.155273/#post-489342 Partly instigated by this thread but I&#039,ve pondered this before. Logically... What are married poly women looking for?


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Partly instigated by this thread but I've pondered this before. Logically speaking, in the heterosexual world, for every poly married man who is having it tough", he has a poly wife who is "having it easy". I'm assuming the partner of the OP of the linked thread is married, so who is his wife dating (I'm not suggesting a quad, bear with me!)? Is she dating other women? Is this a case of the OPP backfiring on cis poly men as a whole? Are married poly men much less attractive to married poly men than the other way around? Is marriage more of an obstacle for what a married poly woman wants from people who aren't her spouse? You'd think that married poly people would be pretty good matches for each other. Someone in a similar situation who "gets" how you have to prioritize your life. Married het poly women seem to find these guys all the time. So why is there a shortage of female equivalents? Maybe these married poly women aren't actually dating married poly men at all. Maybe they're dating unattached men who don't want the escalator and there are just fewer women who don't want that. I don't know. It doesn't make sense to me. kdt26417. Official Greeter. I think men as a gender are not trusted. A "supposedly" poly man looking for a date with his wife's approval is assumed to actually be going behind his wife's back to "get some action," and once he puts his next notch on the bedpost he will dump the new woman, leaving her with an STD. A lot of men are indeed like that, women tend to get a lot more hits from men, than men with women, because more men are out there looking than women. Women can afford to be picky. They have to be picky. It's the only way to filter out the scumbags, or so it seems. SEASONEDpolyAgain. Well-known member. A "supposedly" poly man looking for a date with his wife's approval is assumed to actually be going behind his wife's back to "get some action," and once he puts his next notch on the bedpost he will dump the new woman, leaving her with an STD. I think that assumption is based in our beliefs about men and their motivations and desires than reality. Most married poly men I meet aren't cheating. They might be in a situation that errs towards poly under duress. I don't think that such men usually have STDS though. Are the women being picky though? Or do they just have more options because married poly men are willing to date them? Are married poly women less likely to be interested in a man that is already married? Magdlyn. Moderator. I'm not married but I've been in a relationship for 14 years, living together for 8, so I might as well be married. I've needed to date so many men to find a decent one. If I was married to a guy, he might've been envious of all the times I've been hit on, and all the good sex I've had. But I've never had a relationship last more than 2 1/2 years. Every guy I've dated has fizzled out on me for one reason or another. I guess it's about 50/50 who's broken up with whom. My nesting partner is a woman and it took her about 5 years since she and I first met to find herself a really good long term bf. My current bf is extremely crazy about me, and he really seems like he's going to be around forever. I apparently check all his boxes, so, fingers crossed! Anyway, what do I want in a man? Would I chose a married poly guy or a single one? I have to say, I can relate to what Kevin said about men, although I've never caught an STD because I am EXTREMELY careful to practice safer sex lol. I've dated so many single guys, who, while charming, fun, nice looking, adorable, good in bed, etc., seem to have had psychological problems that have led to them being unable to sustain a good long-term relationship. On the other hand, I've dated married or partnered guys who had difficult spouses (not really onboard with proper poly), or lots of kids who took up tons of time. I've dated older men who were intimidated by my feminist freedom. I've dated liars who said they wanted a real relationship only to ghost after one or two dates. I've dated more than one guy who swore they were poly and didn't want kids, only to leave me to hook up with single moms! What do I want? A nice, interesting, smart, literate, kinda nerdy, virile, reasonably fit, funny, decent looking, loyal, sweet caring guy, who is good at texting in between dates, can be counted on to support me with my troubles, who will help me lift heavy things, who will accept my help as well, who will wash his clothes and take showers. My current bf is newly poly, although in the time we've been together he has not been lucky enough to find another person to date long term. He's made friends, he chats with people, but hasn't found anyone just right yet. He's younger than me, not super motivated to get married and have kids with anyone. Basically, he's just what I want (and shall I say, need). Love withers under constraint, its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley.













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