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| by A & M | Asian Identity | Medium
We often take for granted how bad Asian males have it in the dating market in the West, particularly in North America. Many cite the response rates from the OKCupid studies, and also refer to our own…
Introduction. We often take for granted how bad Asian males have it in the dating market in the West, particularly in North America.



Many cite the response rates from the OKCupid studies, and also refer to our own subjective personal experiences. And it’s understandable why they would reference these statistics. Many people think that Asian Men have no problems in the dating market , and often when we talk about our experiences, no one listens to us assuming that we are just making stuff up. Are we? The stats don’t lie. There is always a vocal minority that continues to bleat that things aren’t “ so bad ”, that the barriers only exist in our heads, and that we all just need to be “ more confident”/”lift more”/”be more alpha!! ”. The vocal minority claims that all we need to do is go on a quest of personal improvement , and magically , these dating woes will just magically disappear . But let’s start by looking at the raw statistics for the interracial dating disparity between Asian men and women, because they don’t lie. It’s funny isn’t it? Asian women rate WHITE men better then then do Asian Men. Meanwhile , every other race rates their race of men as better then everyone else. What could cause this? Source: OKCUPID Statistics: http://oktrends.okcupid.com/ A few years later… This is now 2014. At least the Asian men get a improvement in rating now. 24% beats 10%! Yet white men are rated higher , yet again. Why? According to Pew Research , Interracial marriage statistics indicate that Asians marry out the most, excluding Native americans. Asians marry out at 28% , versus that of 19% for African Americans , and 7% for whites. Data from: http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2012/02/16/the-rise-of-intermarriage/ According to Pew Research , Asian American women marry out at 36% versus that of 16% for Asian men. Other races? 7% for whites ( M/F) , 25%/12% for blacks ,and 54%/61% for American Indians. Their is an obvious disaparity amoung Asians. Update : Pew Social trends study , 2017 study. In the 2017 study , the intermarriage rates has now changed. Now 21% of Asian men intermarry , while 36% of Asian women intermarry , which represents a 5% increase and a 1% decrease among the respective genders. Two key takeaways: Asian American women outmarry at double the rate of Asian American men (37% versus 16%). Other races do not nearly have such a disparity. Of All Asian American women , 36% of them marry outside of the rice. Compared to that of white, black , something is obviously awry here. Now, it’s not all gloom and doom. The silver lining here is that when we ARE able to outmarry, we tend to do so with higher quality partners. White women with asian men are 2 years younger, more likely to be first married, 76% first marriage vs 65%, make 30k vs 22k, and be 50% more educated in comparison to ones that marry white men. Not all bad, brothers. Not bad. These out marriage rates and statistics only give half the picture though, they do not quantify how difficult it is for an Asian man to actually land a white girl. We can talk all day about our personal experiences and stupid “field reports” for all the PUA’s out there, but at the end of the day all of this is subjective . So how about we just use actual science?? Maybe the most striking numbers are with regard to income-ethnicity trade-offs, as shown in Table 5.6. For equal success with a white woman, an African-American man needs to earn $154,000 more than a white man. Hispanic men need an additional $77,000, and Asian men need an additional $247,000 in annual income. What Makes You Click? — Mate Preferences and Matching Outcomes in Online Dating Source : Asian Nation. What in Confucius’ name is this? In order to do as well as your white equivalent ,( equivalent — not your average white Joe Schmoe), you need to make a quarter million more than he does in a year. That means for those of you Asian brothers who actually are doing okay with white women, you would be fucking Dan Bilzerian shooting a coke whore orgy on Entourage if everything else about you was the same except for the color of your skin. Talk about screwed up. Interestingly though , the researchers also found a premium placed on height, although they did not appear to have studied its interaction with the race penalty. Table 5.5 shows the trade-offs between height and income. A man who is 5 feet 6 inches tall, for example, needs an additional $175,000 to be as desirable as a man who is approximately 6 feet tall (the median height in our sample) and who makes $62,500 per year. Source(Pg. 49): http://www.asian-nation.org/docs/online-dating-study.pdf. So for all you NBA point guards , you may experience this effect much less than your more, uh, vertically challenged counterparts. Jumping In. What plays a key role in the Asian American narrative to marry interracially? Obviously , there is something deep at work here , or else the marriage rates would not have such a big discrepancy. For most, it is the significance of growing in in predominantly white neighbourhoods that lead to a powerful desire for whiteness , and white racial privilege. These powerful desires shape the subjectivities, fantasies, and intimate desires of Asian Americans from a young age. But what shapes our desires to date interracially? For Asian men and Asian women alike, we are influenced by the Hegemonic masculinity that has been the focus of the American society. The typical northern , heterosexual , protestant father of college education , fully employed ,and unblushing male in America. This is an ideal that few white men can attain, but an even harder deal for Asian men to attain, since extra difficulties are imposed by a culture that puts a penalty on being Asian. We’ll explain that one later. But what about the female ideal? There is also a hegemonic femininity , an ideal that is much easier for an Asian female to attain, since she has no cultural penalties imposed on her. In both cases , these hegemonic gender ideals have a large imposing force on the identities of those growing up . In males and females , it influences both sexes to see the opposite white sex as a trophy to attain. Think about your youth. When you were young , did you wish you were as pretty , or as muscular as that white model that was shown in the magazines , or television show? Although you may not think so , media projects an image that influences those watching. What influences both sexes to marry inter racially? It seems that experiences during the teenage years where individuals who experienced as strong sense of racial , ethnic , or cultural difference made these individuals self-conscious about their culture , producing desires to whiten. The following is From Relevance of Race — A study that explores the reasons why interracial marriages happen in both sexes in Asian Americans: A common denominator among men and women of this study who eventually chose to marry inter-racially included those who felt a powerful desire to assimilate. It is worthwhile noting the reasons that the female respondents gave for not finding Asian males appealing. The simple “numbers” explanation, such as that given by Kira, was belied by other reasons offered, for most of the women, not surprisingly, t hey viewed Asian men they knew or grew up with as falling short of the ideal American masculinity.